Happy families and unhappy families may be the difference in how we look at the realities of living together.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Family is the biggest support system in the times of trouble. Invaly

Last Thursday one of the speeches at Toastmasters was about lessons a member learned from her mother. As I listened to her talk I thought, how many of us listening are thinking, it’s like we have the same mother.

Tolstoy said, “Happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Could it be that in happy families people realize no one is perfect and they allow for imperfections with humor, forgiveness, and mercy?

What if we all have a story to tell about our families, and the big difference is how we view the realities of another’s imperfections and how they view ours? Haven’t we all disappointed others and been disappointed by others? This is the nature of life with other people, but how we react to the disappointments may be what is important, do we sum up our partner by their faults or do they sum us up by our faults? It isn’t important or even possible to marry someone without faults.

We are watching a show, “Match Me Abroad,” people who couldn’t find love in their own country are going abroad with picky, picky attitudes looking for someone who will not irritate them. I’m not a psychic but I have a pretty good idea that if no one in your own country is good enough for you, going to another country won’t likely be that much better. Because what they are taking with them is their attitude.

A good sense of humor goes a long way in relationships, but not if we make jokes at the other person’s expense. Sometimes we have to dig deep to find the funny in the situation, but if we look at things with a critical heart we might end up with a black hole where love should be, and all the life gets sucked out of the marriage.

If we can laugh together over things that could make us cry, realize we aren’t perfect, but we are still lucky to have each other, and the fact we don’t see things the same way can give us a bigger view of life. It’s our choice, we can carry every sling and arrow, every thoughtless action, every selfish act as if it was meant to hurt us, or we can believe they have the best of intentions even if it doesn’t look that way, and we can hope they view our faults the same.

You go through life wondering what is it all about, but at the end of the day, it’s all about family. Rod Stewart

If someone has stood by our side through the thick and thin of life, sacrificed some of what they wanted so we could get some of what we wanted, and if we can acknowledge that the disappointments our partner has faced are at least equal to what we have faced, but at least we have someone to share these disappointments as well as the joys and accomplishments with, how lucky are we?

If we have a partner, and we aren’t looking for someone to fill the chair on the other side of the table, that is a blessing. We can plan dinner and have someone to share it with. We can laugh at the antics of our children, grandchildren, or even great-grandchildren. We can share our dreams and our disappointments; we can make plans for the trip we’ve always planned on taking.

If we have a partner, we have someone that has our back, someone to call if the car breaks down, someone to hug, and share small and big moments with. I wonder how many people gave up on an imperfect relationship, only to find themselves in another imperfect relationship wondering if they shouldn’t have stayed in the first imperfect one.

Jim Rohn tells us, “Don’t ask for things to be easier, ask to be better.” We can’t change our partner and they can’t change us, but can we give the other person as much grace as we hope they will give us? If we look at their quirks and shortcomings with humor and forgiveness perhaps they can look at ours the same way. We won’t be a perfect family but maybe a happy one. Pope Francis said, “The family is a factory of hope,” and isn’t that a wonderful way to look at our family as our own little hope factory?

Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days. Gordon B. Hinckley

The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, lies in its loyalty to each other. Mario Puzo

That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable. Deb Caletti

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.